Elite (Citizen Saga, Book 1) Read online

  And then, knowing my official identity of Selena Carstairs was safe, I was checking up on Aiko and Tan.

  I took too long luxuriating under the shower spray, remembering his deep voice over the phone. Going over every word we'd shared. He was right. He knew more about me than I knew about him. But I was determined, that by eleven o'clock tomorrow morning, I would be greeting him with his name.

  Just how I was going to achieve that, I didn't yet know.

  After grabbing a bite to eat, out of what was left in my pantry, I text messaged Tan. Another saved, innocuous message, one that meant nothing to the Overseers who could be watching, but something to Tan himself.

  Tomorrow at eight, we'd meet in Federal Street, in front of the steps that led down to the Rap-Trans. That left four hours to either sleep or attempt a dose up; just a small one. Enough to allow my system to get used to Serenity again, so when I attended the celebration in just over a week, I could test clearly and not be under its effects.

  The annual celebrations of the Uprising's defeat had stricter than normal testing. As yet a replica had not been made that could circumvent it.

  I stared at the segment of Serenity tablet sitting on my bench. It was pink; a pretty shade reminiscent of rose petals and princess dresses. A colour that made you think: Safe. The Overseers would have you believe it was. Simply a way to enjoy life while not being encumbered with the worries we used to have. No more depression. No more anxiety. No more cares or woes or anything that could bring you down. Just pure happiness and contentment on a blissful cloud of joy.

  I hated it. I despised it. I so did not want even that tiny portion of the thing in my mouth.

  My fists clenched, my mouth was set in a determined scowl as I stared the Serenity slither down. I was drenched in perspiration within seconds and I'd only just exited the shower.

  With a trembling hand I reached out and picked the broken piece of tablet up and lifted it towards my mouth. At my lips I hesitated, lifted my eyes up until I was staring into my reflection in the glass above the stove. I looked pale. My eyes too big. My lips too red.

  I let a breath of air out, closed my lids and placed the tablet on my tongue.

  It dissolved immediately. I didn't swallow.

  The longer it took for me to swallow, the more saliva I made. The sweet aroma of candied apple met my nose, the taste seeping into my horrified tongue. I made a wretched sound as I gulped the flavour down.

  The room began to spin immediately. An unwanted smile spreading my lips. A slow tear trickling out of my left eye. I brushed at it with a finger, but when I pulled the digit back I couldn't stop staring at the drop of liquid on its tip.

  "Hello," a voice said. I realised, in a detached way, that it was mine.

  I licked my finger, then proceeded to suck it, while turning around and flinging my free arm out to balance me.

  A chuckle left me, and then I spun again and again and again. Both hands out wide, making me pirouette in my kitchen like a spinning top, colours and lights flashing by as my head became dizzier and dizzier still.

  I stumbled into the kitchen bench and rebounded off that to hit a cupboard door. It opened under the force and several packets of food fell out onto the floor. I watched them fall. Tip over end over tip and splat!

  Huh. "That could have been me," I said in a slight slur, the joy of dancing being replaced suddenly with utter calm.

  I walked sedately into the lounge, crossed the plush carpet and into the hall. Not connecting with a single thing.

  My face hit my pillow on the bed, my body moulding into the soft mattress, and within seconds I was asleep. Possibly snoring.

  I woke with an horrendous headache as my offline Shiloh unit announced, "Good morning. Wake up."

  "Time," I croaked.

  "Oh-six, thirty," Shiloh obediently replied.

  I groaned and pulled my spare pillow over to cover my face.

  "Dim lights," I instructed in a muffled voice. I had no way of knowing if she complied. I was too sore to check.

  "Oh-six, forty-five," Shiloh announced, what seemed a second later.

  I sat bolt upright, squinted through the dimmed lights and stared at my way too pale face in the mirror above my dresser. My pupils were the size of saucers in my eyes.

  "Oh, damn," I muttered, crawling off the bed.

  I blinked, and blinked again, but it still seemed way too bright.

  "Dim the fucking lights," I demanded again. "Lowest setting," I added, forestalling a repeat instruction.

  The room sank into blissful darkness, just the barest hint of illumination to guide my way. More than I currently needed. I took a cold shower, not bothering with lights and shivering for more reasons than the temperature of the water. I scrubbed my body, trying to stimulate the nerve endings, with a towel. I bit my lip as I pulled a comb through my hair, wanting desperately to braid it, but knowing I needed to comply this morning and blow dry it straight.

  It took me longer than usual to get ready, but by the time I went for the door I was Elite perfect, my vision back to near normal, my headache eased with a fast acting painkiller, my anger at having to dose up at all just a mere simmer in the background to the excited rush that was replacing the artificial high.

  I slipped sunglasses on as I came out into the main foyer. Augustine, the same concierge who saw me arrive after Wántel, in attendance at the desk.

  "Good morning, Honourable Selena Carstairs," he intoned with a small bow.

  "Citizen Augustine," I said with a hint of a smile.

  Elite perfect, that was what I was today.

  His own smile dimmed slightly, but then he rallied.

  "May I order a limousine?" he enquired.

  I glanced outside at the sky, noting the thunderstorm had passed and there wasn't a cloud to be seen.

  "I think I'll take the roadster," I said, but I was sure I hadn't meant to say that out loud.

  "Really?" the concierge said, then hurried to cover his mistake. "Thunderstorms are predicted for this afternoon, Honourable Carstairs," he added. "Will you be out long?"

  I stared at him, for the moment unable to understand the lifeline he was throwing me. Or why. I took too long to answer.

  "A limousine, then," he said gently. "I'll have one ordered straight away."

  "Good," I murmured, taking the seat he directed me to on a finely upholstered couch off to the side. His eyes darted up to my face once he'd deposited me there. I realised he was trying to see my pupils, but behind the sunglasses he couldn't make out how dilated and dull they currently were.

  Only a slither. Barely a quarter of the tab. And I was like this. It had been too long. Tan had been so right.

  The limousine appeared in front of the double doors before I comprehended time had passed. How did Citizens drive themselves when they'd dosed up? Easy. They were so used to the dosage they could cope without becoming a hollow shell.

  "Honourable Carstairs," Augustine said softly at my side.

  I jerked in my seat on the couch.

  "Must you go out today?" he asked, so quietly no one could have overheard.

  I looked up into his bright brown eyes and realised what I'd missed the other day. Augustine didn't dose up. He was a replica user. A breaker of Overseer rules. This information would normally have been interesting, but right then all I did was stare.

  He smiled softly back at me.

  "May I suggest you keep the glasses on," he whispered as he helped me to my feet. "And only visit with those you trust."

  "Wise advice," I managed to somewhat coherently say.

  He deposited me into the rear of the vehicle, flapping the driver back towards his side of the car. Augustine leaned in before closing the door and said, "Your destination?"

  I blinked at him, something deep within me making me seal my lips.

  "I only ask so I can give directions," he hurried to explain before the driver made his door. "Allowing you longer without having to communicate."

  OK. I was
paranoid. I nodded again, this time more assuredly.

  "Wáikěiton," I murmured.

  If he was surprised with my destination, he didn't show it. Just nodded back and, when the driver slipped into the front seat, said, "Federal Street, Citizen."

  "As you wish," the driver replied without inflection.

  Such well trained Citizens.

  The door shut before Augustine offered the usual farewell. Maybe he thought I wouldn't have been able to say, "Wánměi leads the way," in reply.

  The roads were thankfully busy, the time it took to arrive in Wáikěiton allowing me to surface further from the malaise of the Serenity Tab. By the time the driver pulled over at the side of the road, I was sure I could function appropriately.

  "Thank you, Citizen," I said as he opened my door for me.

  "Wánměi above all others," he intoned with a bow of his head.

  "Wánměi leads the way," I replied, my speech once again perfect.

  I didn't wait to watch him drive away. I strode down Federal Street towards the meeting place, head held high, people parting for me as I came. An Elite in Wáikěiton was not completely unheard of. But enough of an anomaly to make the Citizens aware.

  Tan was waiting at the top of the Rap-Trans stairs, baseball cap pulled low over his angular face, his own sunglasses on. I was sure his reasons were quite normal, such as the brightness of the sun on this hot day. I stopped beside him, swaying slightly now that forward motion had ceased. For a second or two Tan remained quiet.

  Then he let out a sigh and said, "Come on. Let's get you changed."

  It was only then I realised I never came to Wáikěiton dressed as an Elite. For exactly the reasons I'd just so blindly overlooked. The vid-screen watching Citizens making way even though they were all sheep.

  I followed silently behind him, despising everything to do with General Chew-wen's Wánměi.

  Chapter 15

  It Didn't Mean Anything

  Lena

  I felt sick. Sitting opposite Tan in a café drinking my third cup of coffee. I felt ill.

  "I did warn you," he said softly, sipping his water, having only suffered through one caffeine hit.

  "Does this actually work?" I asked, forcing more coffee down my throat.

  "The compounding serotonin effect of caffeine counteracts the neurotoxicity of the Serenity Tab, but it's short lived."

  "Great," I managed, taking another forced sip.

  "How much did you have?"

  "A negligible amount."

  He sighed again and pushed his glass of water away. His eyes trailing over the sundress I now wore. It was a simple Citizen appropriate outfit, blending in with the many that were out on the packed street in front of this store.

  "How's Aiko?" I asked into the strangely strained silence as Tan continued to stare.

  "Better than you," he offered and carried on with his perusal of what he could see of the dress.

  "Do you mind?" I asked archly. Tan and I didn't have the kind of relationship where he noticed my boobs or stared at my arse.

  "You look different," he said with a shrug.

  "Good different or bad?" Meaning, could it get me into trouble, not did he like the change?

  He understood.

  "You fit in, but I know you. Something's happened. Wanna talk?"

  My turn to sigh.

  I shook my head, closing my eyes behind the sunglasses.

  "I guess I'm tired."

  He huffed out a breath.

  "We've been tired for years now, Lena. Maybe it was time you started to feel the exhaustion too."

  My eyes snapped open and I held his steady gaze. I had the feeling we were talking about something else other than lack of sleep.

  "I want to ask, what do you mean? But I'm scared I won't like the answer," I admitted quietly.

  He leaned forward, over the table. I met him halfway.

  "Tell me what you're feeling. Right now. The emotion that captures you in this instant," he demanded, only loud enough for me to hear. Anyone would think we were whispering sweet nothings to each other. It helped that they couldn't see the expression in our eyes behind the shades.

  "Confused?" I offered.

  "It's a start. What else?"

  I took a second to think about it. "Frustrated."

  "Better. Go on."

  "Angry," I added, my voice soft, belying the emotion.

  Tan held my gaze, almost as though holding his breath, then whispered, "Why?"

  Coffee beans whirring in the grinder filled my ears, the bang of the barista emptying sodden grounds into the dump bin joined in. Music and conversation and the voice from an advertisement running on a vid-screen added to the cacophony of noise around our little cocoon. I had the feeling that something was changing. Maybe something to do with our relationship, but I thought, perhaps, it was more profound than that.

  "I hated taking it," I finally whispered, somehow loud enough for Tan to hear. We were so close now, I could feel his breath heating my lips. "I didn't want to."

  "You never do," he pointed out, meaning that's not what was new. And he was right.

  "Yeh Zhang Yong is dead." My voice was all but gone, only the reading of my lips allowed Tan to understand me.

  "Wiped?" he mouthed back, horror coating his face and then in the next instant vanished from sight behind a Citizen appropriate mask.

  I nodded.

  He leaned back in his seat and stared out the window, blindly I think.

  In the middle of chaotic Wáikěiton, in a café filled to the brim with mindless Wánměi Citizens, on a day like any other in this city-state, I realised I wanted it to end. I wanted something else.

  Not just a challenge. Not just a distraction from the boredom. Not just a reason to forget how my father died.

  I wanted freedom.

  Tan's eyes came back to me and he offered a small smile.

  "Welcome to the real world, Lena. I've been waiting for you to arrive."

  I stared at him, my lips parted, my heart thundering inside my chest, an ache setting up shop in my eyes. And I knew I had never truly seen Tan, and probably Aiko, as clearly as I did right now. I wasn't sure how to proceed, how to keep our relationship as natural and informal as it had been. They were different from who I had thought them.

  I was different from who I had been.

  But it didn't matter, because Tan behaved like nothing had changed, when we both knew everything had.

  "So, you want to know his name?" he asked with a sly smile. "Is this to protect yourself, Lena, or because you're curious?"

  "Don't be absurd," I replied, relieved beyond measure that he was teasing. Despite the reason why. "I'm at a disadvantage and you know how I hate that."

  "Oh, yeah," he said with feeling. "So how're we going to level the field?"

  "I was hoping you had an idea."

  "I could check iRec when he appears. Text you once I get a hit."

  I frowned, then muttered, "If he appears."

  He huffed out a manly chuckle, appearing young and carefree, and out of place in the café all of a sudden. His eyes scanned the surrounding tables automatically, as though he knew he'd given himself away.

  Why had I not stopped to consider how wrong that need was? The automatic desire to blend in. I'd hated it, no lie. But I hadn't really cared enough to question why. My hand came up and brushed the outline of the thumb-drive in my bra. It seemed like a good place to hide it. Not too many people got to look in there.

  Tan and Aiko weren't aware of what exactly I had gone after at Wántel, they just knew I had followed up on a lead General Chew-wen had given me. A lead I'd gained by eavesdropping. Tan had never questioned why I did what I did, just accepted that I needed his support to do it. I realised now his encouragement had been for a purpose.

  He'd been waiting, all right. And in the meantime, he'd been helping me hone my skill.

  I leaned forward and waved him closer. His eyebrows rose, but he obeyed.

  "Wha
t do you know about Sat-Loc?" I whispered into his ear, one hand cupping his cheek to make it look like a kiss.

  He pulled back slightly and looked me in the eye, directly through my sunglasses lens.

  "Is that what you took?" he whispered back, then reached up and cupped the nape of my neck, pulling me closer and breathing hot air against my lobe. "What does it do?"

  He didn't know any more than me. Actually, he probably knew less. At least I knew there were codes on the file, but what they did was anyone's guess.

  I shook my head, shrugging my shoulders to back the non-verbal statement up.

  "This guy," he said softly. "The Cardinal. Does he want it too?"

  I held his gaze with a steady one of my own.

  "Yeah he wants it too," he surmised from my non-committal look.

  They were all one and the same, I knew that now. The tech whiz Harjeet had connected me with, the Cardinal pretender, and the black clad men at Wántel.

  "Why are you meeting him again?" Tan asked with a disbelieving sigh.

  "Lena Carr's been compromised and I don't have Zhang Yong anymore."

  "Fucking hell," he muttered under his breath, picking up his glass of water and taking a long drink to cool down.

  "Burn her," he declared when he set the empty glass back on the table's surface.

  "You know I can't do that."

  "Become someone else," he suggested. "Buy another ID."

  I flicked a wary glance around the café, but no one was paying attention to us.

  "Not an option," I replied, my eyes still scanning our surroundings.

  "You court unnecessary danger, you know that, Lena? You take risks you don't need to take."

  My eyes came back to his face.

  "They're mine to take."

  "I can see why Aiko was attracted to you. You're reckless. She likes impulsive behaviour."

  "I am not reckless," I shot back. I took precautions. I used a safety harness when one was lying out on the gantry I just happened to jump down to from a thirty storey roof.

  I shifted in my seat.

  "Don't get me wrong, Carr, I'm just as drawn to your inability to follow the rules as the next man."